Spenblog

I was watching the trailer for the new HBO Harry Potter series with Tina last night when I remembered the total insanity and illegitimacy of Gryffindor’s House Cup victory in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001).

Let me set the stage for you. The House Cup at Hogwarts is awarded annually to the house with the most points. Points are awarded for “triumphs” and deducted for “rule breaking.” There is no real benchmark for the proper sum of points to reward or punish students with respectively. The entire process is arbitrary. It’s also loaded with conflicts of interest. Professors Snape and McGonnagall have an incentive to reward their own houses with which they are affiliated. They also have an incentive to punish their rivals. In the universe of the movie, the House Cup is something of enormous pride and importance to the characters.

So, going into the end of the school year in the Sorcerer’s Stone, Slytherin is widely expected to win the House Cup. Indeed, they have a 150 point lead (472 to 312). Dumbledore (a Gryffindor shill) then decides to award – out of whole cloth – 170 points to Gryffindor (50 to Ron – 50 to Hermione – 60 to Harry – 10 to Neville). I encourage you to watch the video. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGrvPFCQ6K8) The reason for the points awarded could not be more erratic, frivolous, inconsistent, or subjective. The result is that a bunch of kids who expected to win (Slytherin) suddenly are losers for reasons that they cannot evaluate in any meaningful way besides the whim of a madman.

So, what’s the solution to the insanity? How can we be sure that the House Cup actually achieves its objective, i.e., encourages achievement at Hogwarts and punishes rule-breaking? Below is my comprehensive and unassailable plan.

1. Each professor can award or deduct a maximum of twenty-five (25) points at any given time.
   • Any departure upward from the 25-point ceiling must be approved by the Council of the Cup (see below item 3).
2. To avoid nickling and diming, no professor can award or deduct more than two-hundred (200) points in the aggregate (total) from any one house in any school year.
   • Any departure upward or downward must be approved by the Council of the Cup (see below item 3).
3. The Council of the Cup is a three-member council of professors elected by a simple majority of professors. No member of the Council of the Cup may have any house affiliation. Council members serve 3-year terms. In the event that a Council of the Cup member vacates their post, a special election is called to fill the seat for the remainder of the term.
   • Requested departures from the 25 individual or 200 point aggregate limits must be approved by two of the three council members.
4. The count for the House Cup concludes at 11:59 p.m. on the night before the end of year feast.
5. At the conclusion of each year, every professor’s statistics of points awarded or deducted, to whom, and for what reasons, are published to all students and professors.

Comments or criticism on this plan will not be considered at this time. Tina has flagged that there are some issues here with the broader Harry Potter / Wizarding World lore however I am basing this on my memory of the few times I have watched the movies. I do not care to further educate myself on this issue.